This past semester was a particularly strenuous one. The first couple weeks were stressful as I tackled being a new RA and learning what was involved. While I began to become more confident in my new position, tensions in other parts of my life started to mount. Then within the space of a couple weeks I lost two very important people in my life, one being my grandmother.
Though I am on break and away from school, I still feel the aftermath of all that has happened this year. As much as I may wish to, I can’t completely leave things in Massachusetts when I return to Pennsylvania. And it’s not easy to ward off the lingering heartache that creeps up on you in the quieter moments of the day, whether it’s the seconds after you open your eyes in the morning, or the long pause before you drop off into sleep at night. Unfortunately, there’s no real way to fix it.
I can say that I am grateful for the many life experiences I’ve had this semester and what they’ve taught me. But still, grief returns, though I continuously try process events and psycho-analyze actions.
There is a brighter side though. I’ve found comfort in reminding myself that those experiences are pieces of a larger narrative. If my life were a book, the tough months are just chapters. Though the anguish can feel unshakeable, it will pass with time and eventually, I will reach the next chapter.
My roommate and I, one night, when talking about the crazy sophomore year we were having, came to the conclusion that we felt like Frodo and Sam from The Lord of the Rings; two people on a journey, encountering obstacles, but a part of a much bigger epic. I found it reassuring, thinking that, although I can’t always see it, perhaps there is a point to all this stuff that I am going through.
I don’t know when things will feel normal again, but I do believe that there are purposes to the bumps in the road. And I’ll get to look back, one day, from a place of rest and smile.
For now I’ll continue posting about my adventures here. Have a splendid New Years! I’ll see you on the other side.